When you think of violence and drama you think of gangs, Eastenders, movies. And I don’t blame anyone for thinking of these things first. But know this reader: none of these things compare with the tension that flies when two lovers of tea arrive at the supermarket shelf and discover that only one box of tea remains. Not only have I witnessed this incident in person, I have been in the rage myself–
The incident that sticks in my mind (there have been a few, but this tops it) happened six months ago and has since become the stuff of tea legend around my parts. Waking up that morning, I had no idea I was about to encounter a run in with an infamous tea-lover of my parts–and from the look of his face when he saw me arrive in the aisle, neither did he.
We both knew the old trick, so when we arrived at the aisle and found there appeared to be no tea left, we thrust our arms into the shelf. What were we doing? Simple! We were hunting the tea placed at the very back by the dastardly tea-loving employees. And sure enough I found it before he did. And he went all white as I pulled the box of favourite tea out and said, “beat it man, this is mine. Deal with it!”
He looked like he was going to collapse. Then he reached into his pocket and yanked out a plastic bag. He was sweating and my eyes bulged as they focused on the stuff in the bag–finest East Asian tea-bags.
“I–I thought they were extinct!” I muttered.
He shook his head. “Now give me the box. I’ll swap you ten of these for all of those.”
A conundrum that even Carol Vorderman would have failed!
“How do I know you’re not lying?” I said. “Take them out and show me them. I need to smell them–”
So he did. He waved a couple in the air. But guess what? Well, utilizing my honed tea-senses I could tell they were fake. So I ran out of the store (after paying, with the guy close to me, waiting to pounce), and then the chase began. But I outran the guy with the help of my mizuno running shoes, that’s the point. And the result was a week of black tea pleasure that I very nearly lost out on–
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